Did you know that in 2014 alone, the U.S. Department of Defense spent $84.2 million on erectile dysfunction drugs, with almost half of it on Viagra? It turns out that military soldiers need to keep their sex lives active to be able to defend the country well.
Before the birth of this blue magic pill, there are tons of treatments introduced. Manufacturers claimed they could address every man’s issue down there. In fact, the quest for the ultimate cure for erectile dysfunction started as early as ancient civilization. From needles to casting evil spells,and anything outrageous in between, here are eight terrifying instruments used on your junk that will make you grateful for being born in the modern world.
1. Baby Crocodile Hearts, Needles And Snakes
Back in the day, ancient Egyptians believed that an evil spell is the reason why men can’t get it up.
To get rid of the evil spell, they believe that grounding baby crocodile hearts and rubbing it on your penis will make the spell go away, and eventually make your man down there up.
Ancient Chinese men also had problems with erections, despite the abundance of herbs in their country. To cure ED, they believe that acupuncture, yes needles inserted in your ding-dong, is the best way to do it. Ancient Romans and Greeks were a bit more civilized. For them, eating snakes and the genitals of goats and roosters could address their erection problems.
Take your pick.
2. Witches, Potions And Electricity
Witches are the main culprits for a man’s issue down there. Thankfully, people evolved with time and they realized that witchcraft and wizardly are all products of the imagination. After the Medieval Period, people learned to experiment of different treatments that could cure erectile dysfunction.
Treatments include letting a woman touch a man’s penis to potions, elixirs and balms that contain magical ingredients, such as vinegar and ginger to give every guy’s penis a boost.
Of course, none of this worked, so they resorted to electricity. When they realized that a man’s penis is not the same as a car’s engine, some doctor in Italy performed the first successful surgery for ED. It’s all about blocking the veins that drained the blood from a man’s penis.
3. Monkey Balls And Penile Bones
Man and animals have something in common: penis. It is not exactly penis similar to what you have but there are animals that have penile bones. Suddenly, the geniuses had a terrific idea. Because of the presence of penile bones and tissues on animals, they figured implanting it on humans.
In 1918, a Russian doctor decided to use monkey testicles tissues and transplant it into a human. It was a good thing this did not work.
Unfortunately, it paved way and gave “experts” an idea to use animals and transplant tissues or penile bones in humans.
Can you just imagine how many deer, monkeys, boars, goats and other animals with penile bones were killed for this mission? A lot – and it’s not good. Whatever happened to animal rights?
4. Jumpstart Your Junk
If you are a fan of anything Nikola Tesla, you might find the violet ray generator exciting. Apparently, this device has nothing to do with electricity. In fact, this one is for your penis.
Violet ray generator is a popular sci-fi inspired device that could address your erection issues. It is a diffusion of an electrical current with resistance and power and can be converted into tiny million units, which you can apply in the most delicate part of your body, also known as your penis.
Once applied to your skin, this could increase blood flow in your genital area to get it up. The product may look convincing, except that there is electricity involved and there is no assurance that it could jumpstart your junk. Go ahead and use at your own risk.
5. Electric Belts And Sulfuric Acid
Apparently, you’re not done with electric current on your penis and this product is all about that. The difference with violet ray generator is that you have to wear this electric belt.
Before you do so, you have to activate its healing powers by submerging it in a solution with water, vinegar and sulfuric acid. Then, sprinkle it with a special powder – baking powder.
After this, wear the electric belt using the penile strap. This could transfer electric pulses that could wake up your sleeping ding-dong and get you ready for sex.
There is another version of this with the name, Man hood Belt. Instead of the water-vinegar solution, your own sweat activates its healing powers to get your man up. At least, this one is cheaper, don’t you think?
6. Plug It Up
This is getting weirder. Apparently, there is a thing called a rectal dilator, which, you guessed it right, is a bullet-looking device you insert in your hole back there. Apparantly, the concept is thatanerection is a combination of different factors, and the organs must work in concert to get your man up.
That’s true. Unfortunately, you don’t need to stuff many things on your hole there to get an erection. Also, the rectal dilators have nothing to do with improving blood flow or preventing the buildup of plaque in the blood vessels. It is more of paying attention to your hole back there and nothing else. Another thing – this comes in various sizes, too.
7. Enough Electricity Already
When will these people ever get tired of using electricity down there? Apparently, this device is not an exception. A prostate gland warmer is a nine-foot long – or less – wiring with a light bulb on one end and a dildo-looking tube on the other.
Once you plug the light bulb, and as soon as it glows, it will transfer heat – or rather, an electric current, whichever is applicable – to the tube.
This heat warms your prostate gland, tells your penis to stand up and get ready for some action. Again, let’s assume there is no electricity involved in this process, although there is. Hence, use at your own risk.
8. The Recto Rotor, Really?
If you have moved on already with rectal dilators, then check this out. The Recto Rotor is a six-inch dildo-looking device built exclusively for men with problems down there. Its primary purpose is to reach vital spots through the hole back there. Once the device reaches the vital spot, flip the switch and imagine a drill vibrating deep into your ass.
Apparently, this device says it addresses a man’s issue of not being able to get it up by supplying stimulation back there, if that makes sense. That’s not all. It is quite disturbing, since even the ads say that it is “Large enough to be efficient, small enough for anyone over 15 years old,” which gives young boys an idea on what to do with, okay you get the picture.
Alternative YetEffective Treatments for Erectile Dysfunction
The good news is you don’t have to go through these terrifying cures to address your erection issues. Here are safer, alternative treatments for your man down there.
Workout. Most experts link a sedentary lifestyle with erectile dysfunction. That is why if you have issues down there, most doctors will require you to work out at least 30 to 45 minutes everyday.- To get your muscles moving and your heart pumping. It improves blood flow,which is key to strong erections.
- A Healthy And Balanced Diet. Aside from regular exercise, your diet also plays a major rule in addressing ED. Heart-healthy foods such as fruits, vegetables,
fatty fish and whole grains have a positive impact down there, and reduce your risk of erectile dysfunction. More importantly, it keeps your weight at bay, which lessens your risk of cardiovascular issues that could affect your erection. - Get Enough Sleep. This helps in the production of testosterone, which in turn give your sex drive a boost. It also helps you re-charge so you could have more energy for some action.
Kick Bad Habits. This includes drinking alcohol excessively, smoking and taking drugs. It constricts proper blood flow down there, thereby affecting your ability to get your man up. At the same time, it won’t do goodfor your health, hence it’s useless.- Change Prescription Drugs When Necessary. Oftentimes, your prescription meds are messing with your sex life. If you are taking pills for depression,blood pressure,hormones,
heart or male pattern baldness, talk to your doctor about switching brands or looking for alternatives. - Address Any Medical Issues. Experts link ED with cardiovascular problems. If you started experiencing issues down there, get yourself checked to see if there are underlying conditions that you need to address before it’s too late.
Workout. Most experts link a sedentary lifestyle with erectile dysfunction. That is why if you have issues down there, most doctors will require you to work out at least 30 to 45 minutes everyday.
Kick Bad Habits. This includes drinking alcohol excessively, smoking and taking drugs. It constricts proper blood flow down there, thereby affecting your ability to get your man up. At the same time, it won’t do goodfor your health, hence it’s useless.Viagra and other ED drugs have taken the sex world by the storm. Still, the truth is there is still no guaranteed or ultimate treatments for your problems down there. While this may be a long journey, don’t worry. The experts are working hard to find a cure for this age-old problem. In the meantime, stick to these alternative treatments and you will surely be a happy dude inside the bedroom.